211. The High Price of Friends

The trou­ble with peo­ple is that they eat, drink and inhale. When you hang out with these crit­ters they get twitchy if you don’t agree to destroy your own body with unwanted food, and poi­son your brain with booze, sug­ary drinks, cig­a­rettes or what­ever other drugs buzz their friends. It’s all a con­spir­acy. For long life, you need to go and live alone in a cave. Heck, new research shows that eunuchs in old Korea lived around 14 years longer than their shag­ging kings and con­cu­bi­nes. That’s just from giv­ing up sex. By giv­ing up friends alto­gether we might live long enough to see if excite­ment really does begin when our teeth have fal­len out.